Happiness & Destiny

I am happy right now. Much has changed inside me in the last 4 months. I remember the confusion, the pain, the anger and the uncontrolled buzzing of the mind that I had before I attended the Landmark Forum. Even then I realized some things about what was going wrong. But I had no solution to it. And I was absolutely sure that no one else did too. Hence, the Forum did not work like it could have. Although, it did work.

I have been not entirely happy in the last 4 months. I have had flashes of unhappiness too. And then, I felt as nothing good is happening. But, I get this feeling at a lot of times, that whatever happened in the past, was al for some good. I know now, that everything has a time. If things happened before time (as I had wanted), things may not have been same. Things would not have turned out the way they did.

If someone was to ask me 'Do you believe in destiny?'. I would answer yes. But my relationship with Destiny is different. I don't take it as inevitability and feel sad about it. I feel happy about it. I feel there are great things in store for me. And, simultaneously, I realize that there is no destiny. I cause destiny to be the way it is going to be. My Being causes it.

Relationships

I am feeling kind of not so happy right now. Why? Here's the deal:

I met this another girl in the Forum (not the Advanced Course). She seemed very sad and hence I decided I'll stick around with her and cause a breakthrough for her, and help her come out of her grief cycle. Now, what I think actually happened was that she sort for developed some feelings for me on the way. She even asked me somewhat hinting-ly, and I told her clearly that it was not my intention. But I think she did not get my point. After the Forum, I sort of avoided her so that she understands and leaves me alone. But I was also nice to her, so if she texted me or called me, I replied nicely. Then for a while she stopped texting me or whatever, and I thought that maybe she was finally over me. But then 2-3 days back she again texted, we chatted a bit and then she sent me 10 texts at one go. I now think that she is still not over me.

As I wrote on this blog earlier, I also met a girl in the Advanced Course (God ... it seems like that is what happens in the Landmark Education!) whom I liked a lot. Sort of same things happened, though the roles were reversed ... I thought we had a great thing going on between us ... I asked her out twice .. and nothing happened .. she hardly ever called back or anything. Now, try as I might, I can not shake off the feeling that what happened with me was almost exactly what I did with the girl I met in the Forum (let's call her Girl A). And I really really liked Girl B. I am still not over her ... though we hardly have any interaction at all these days.

Why do I feel this way? Well ... because of the similarities. But there are some differences too .. and yet I am not seeing them. Am I avoiding action (with Girl B)?

Here is what I have decided ... I'll complete with Girl A first. Tell her clearly that I have no feeling for her whatsoever. Tell her that I avoided her all this time because I didn't want to fall for me. And I am sorry for that. I know how sad it feels to wait forever. I am in that stage right now with Girl B. At least I'll make Girl A somewhat happy. Cause a completion for her. I know if she actually has something for me ... she'll feel very bad when I break it to her. But in the long run, at least she'll move on and find some one else. At least she'll have a closure on this. I know how much it sucks to be incomplete about something.

So .. this is the first action I'll take to cause a breakthrough in this break-down. At least, the scales that at this moment point out that the two cases are equal will tip in one direction. At least one of the case will have closure. Then I'll see the next step I have to take to cause a closure in the second case.