I realized today that whenever I am identifying with the pain, I always feel weird/ awkward/ stupid etc. In general, I feel bad whenever I am identifying with my pain. When I say identification with the pain, what I mean is that I feel pain of the past as real. Like it is happening right now. I imagine possible outcomes of future dealings to be against me, and feel their pain right now. And the moment I do that, I want to run away from the situation. If the pain is anticipated in the future, I don't want to do that thing. If the pain is in the past, then I want to forget it. I do not mean here that one should keep remembering it, you should be aware of the fact that it was in the past. That there is no pain in the now unless you choose to bring it. Why do we choose to bring on pain in the now when we are actually trying to avoid the pain? But really, what we are bringing in the now is not the pain, but the pleasure of identifying with the pain. What is the pleasure in identifying with the pain? The pleasure of not taking action. The pleasure of not taking responsibility for your future actions. The pleasure of being 'right'.
The pain you expect in the future also comes from the past. The reason you feel afraid of the pain in the future is because you know from the past that the future situation could be painful. A small child approaches the fire & food with equal eagerness, because he does not have the past to inform him about where the pain lies. He just feels the happiness in trying to explore something new.
When I feel happiness call me into the future, there is no hesitation. There is a thrill in going forward. The happiness calls you powerfully. So, I learn, whenever in doubt about the future, connect with the happiness that awaits you. Feel it call powerfully. And then be in the Now. Do not rely on the past. Be complete about the past. In the above example, if the kid learns that there is no happiness in walking into fire, then he will not do it. If he identifies with the pain, then he'll be afraid.
This is it, and it is perfect. From nothing, who I am right now is the possibility of happiness & transformation. Simple yet profound. Change what calls you into the future, and you change your relationship with future itself.
Ah ... I feel light in my mind again. Why did I ever stop blogging?!?!
In everything I see in the recent past when I have felt the energy for something go out, I know that it was because I was just looking at the pain in store for me. Not the happiness.
Trying to get up in the morning has been so tough recently. While getting up, I think 'who wants to early morning for a jog and get tired?'. I need to look at it from the point of how much happy a fit me will make me. Let that call me into action.
In the office, I do not want to work because I feel that there is no point. I stop living in the Now then. I put the pain from my past, into the future, and destroy the now. If I just look at the happiness in store for me at the end of my life, my career, each day, I will not feel that this has no point. The point does not matter. Because I am not doing it for any point. I am doing it for my happiness that I know is there. I hear my inner voice again "but there is no happiness in this ..". And I say "how do you know?". There has to be happiness when I want it. I'll create it out of thin air. :-)
The problem is trying to locate the source of the happiness in the future. Just know that to get happy you need to do it. Not because there is happiness somewhere and you need to struggle for it. Each moment is happiness. The journey is full of happiness, not only the destination. And the journey is right Now. Do not think that the happiness is out there. Happiness is right here. Feel it now and feel it call you into action every moment. When there is happiness now, you cannot be stopped by any pain in the future. The happiness in the Now kills any identification with the pain. Then everything is a game and you want to play every moment, and play hard!
So ... here is what I say.
In everything, every moment, try to find the happiness in the now. Search for it like you lost something precious. Want it like you would want air if you were drowning. Don't change what you are doing, there is happiness in everything. Change how you feel about it. Or even, do not change it, be present to how you feel about it. The identification with the pain will dissolve automatically, and what will be left is happiness & zest. Find this happiness in each moment and there you will have it, your enlightenment.
No comments:
Post a Comment