Unintentionally, I have had a lot of enrollment conversations in the last few weeks. I realize that I no longer have problems with sharing my thoughts and feelings with anyone else. I shared a lot with a friend recently, and then with a cousin. And after sharing, it feels amazing. I always thought that people would view you from the past, when you share the past. But people view you as a person who can authentically share his past, and not be affected by it. They also then get authentic. Then the in-authenticities in the space are dropped. My friend now shares with me things she would have never told me before.
Another thing happened. I told this friend and my cousin that I really liked that girl and would love to have a relationship with her. I told them the entire thing. The result is that now I have my own personal coaches who keep advising me on the next thing to do! They are now my support structure. Whenever I feel down, or lost, help is just a phone call away. And that is simply amazing. I also realized a lot of what could have happened between me and that girl, which led to me still waiting for her. Of course it is an interpretation, but I choose to live by that. I think I am very close to achieving this possibility now.
An all together different communication channel opens up when you share authentically. But I think authentic sharing can only come when you are complete with your past. By completion I mean that you no longer resent your past. That there is no pain in the past.
I had an amazing experience this week. I was sitting, waiting for someone, when I realized that when I look back in my life, everything seems perfect. Every time I have ever felt sad in my life or unhappy with a particular situation in the past, I can now see that I learnt a lot in that period. Had I not been fat for most of my life, I would not have been what I am now .. and that is not something I am saying just to complete my past (that would never work). I am writing how I felt. My whole intelligence, my personality was developed because of things like ... like I used found it convenient to read a book rather than go out to play .. and other stuff like that.
In college, once I told a girl I really liked her and she was like "what?". Ever since that was incomplete for me. I felt weird and stupid about the whole thing. I completed with that girl after the forum, and even the whole incident for me is complete now. I know how much I learnt from that experience. And of course .. all this was in the past. None of it is happening right now. Earlier, whenever I would remember any part of that, I would feel stupid and would want to forget it instantly. Now, it doesn't even come up. I realize I did some stupid things and know why I did them. I have no issues about that thing. I am comfortable with it being in my past.
I have never been a religious person. In fact, I gave up on believing God when I was in school. After school, I have largely been confused about the subject. I sometimes felt that there is some Force that drives us, that is the cause of everything. But I refused to believe that there is an old guy up there. After I felt completed with my past, I sort of reconnected with that view. I felt as if everything happened as per some plan. Some larger design. And I then dropped worrying at that moment. If I see my past as great, I can leave it that. When the future becomes the past, it will be great too. I, hence, completed with my God too.
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