So, with the girl I wrote about in my last post .. OMG .. I was running so many rackets! I used to feel that she dominates me. In fact, now I am realizing that I used to look for reasons to support this theory of mine. And just now I called her and told her that I really really loved her. This is complete for me now. :) :)
My racket was that she dominates me. The impact of this was that I felt confused, unsure, depressed & unsatisfied. I was so caught up in it ... I knew I loved her, but somehow this always stopped me from it. I wanted her, but the moment she started coming too close, I would back-off. Whoa! Saved in time!
The pay-offs were that I got the right to dominate, and be right about doing that. I got the right to blame her for whatever was not working in our relationship.
The truth is, she is the way she is. And she loves me so much ... soooo much. She loves me for who I am, the way I am. She has never tried to change even one thing in me. And we are so amazing together. In fact, we are an awesome team together, and awesome couple. :)
Right now, my little voice is telling me that 'ok ... good .. very good ... but for how long? What about when she does that .... and that ...'. Well I say, STFU little voice. You've played enough. I am not listening to you now. At the end of the day, I am responsible for what this relationship has become ... for all the strains in it. And I'll be the one to undo all that. I'll cause this relationship to be perfect.
My possibility is a perfect, loving relationship with her. I am declaring that I'll marry her, no matter what the concerns or breakdowns.
It has been ages since I felt what I am feeling right now. I love this work. :)
How's it going now Ankit? I stumbled upon your blog and just curious where you are now. Your last post was 2 years ago.
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