What I got from the Landmark Advanced Course & Forum

SPOILERS ALERT: Please do not read this unless you have done the Advanced Course yourself.

On a Friday morning, I sat in the auditorium, unsure of what I had signed up for. I was sure it would be incredible, but I had simply chosen to forget what I got in the Landmark Forum. Hence, I was a little skeptical. But what happened in the next three days was extraordinary.

We discussed that the Advanced Course works at the level of group/ community and not at the level of Individual (like the Landmark Forum). Like the Landmark Forum, we were asked to keep completing with people we hadn't as yet, and also to enroll other people in the possibility we created for ourselves.

I was very apprehensive about this completion and enrollment business. I almost hadn't completed with anyone in the Forum. I had still got the popping feeling on Sunday night of the Forum though. The feeling of being truly at peace. The feeling of being transformed. And here is how that had happened. I remembered the girl, to whom I had confessed being nuts for. She didn't feel that way and from that time on, things had been very awkward between us since then. I always thought that she must think of me as a total loser for doing what I did, and never talked to her too much after that. But while driving back from the Forum on Sunday, I realized that it really bothered me that we weren't communicating and that all the loser thing was just a story in my head. I also thought that she must have been impacted by that thing as well. I decided to complete with her and was absolutely sure of what to say. As soon as I thought about it, a possibility opened for me and I "popped". What a night it was! I wanted to call everyone there and then, talk to them. I hadn't felt happier ever. So I wrote her an email and asked her to talk to me on Skype. I could barely get to sleep that day.

The next day I lost the possibility that had opened up for me and I felt most stupid. I couldn't even go online the whole day in fear of running into her. I was devastated by what I had written to people the night before. And in my mind, I just threw the whole experience of Landmark Forum out of the Window. I just concentrated on holding on to the 'popping' feeling .... without wanting to actually think what caused it. I couldn't remember what I had created for myself in there.

But my relationship with my mom definitely improved. I became present to her world, and the helped me breakthrough. So I took her to the Tuesday evening. Attending the Tuesday evening, some of the Forum came back to me and I felt better. On Wednesday, I finally met that girl on chat and completed with her. I told her all I had thought of telling her, for completion. It worked! The possibility opened up again and I felt relieved to the core.

I had signed up for the Advanced Course on Tuesday, because my Coach said so, and I believed him.

The month between the Forum and the Advanced Course had its ups and downs. I realized that the two areas in my life where I felt loss of power were that even with many girlfriends, I did not have any intimate relationship with anyone. I had never had any in the 25 years of my life. Also, in my business, I never felt like doing too much, and blamed my dad (who is with me in the business) for it. I was putting in 50% in my business.

My Seminar series started, and those helped me get in touch with the Forum again. I began analyzing the problems. In my business I realized that it was the relationship with my dad that was troubling me. In my other problem, I always had this thing: Whenever I met a girl, I would judger her to be either too good or worthless. I felt stupid in approaching an awesome girl (my judgement) and didn't want to approach someone whom I deemed worthless. So all my energies were spent in being perfect in everything, so that I always come across as awesome. It wasn't working at all. I used the same judgement evaluation on myself and would always end up feeling loser-ish in something or the other. And I never realized this vicious circle.

So, after about a month, my Advanced Course came up. My favorite Forum Leader, BS Sodhi was leading it. I was excited purely on this account.

It began with Sodhi telling everyone to have completion and enrollment conversations. This time, however, I was much more coach-able than in the Forum. I knew the power of this education and the power in me. So this time, I did the assignments mostly, all the time. What followed, blew me completely.

The first day, the divided us into groups. The division was done row-wise. There was a girl sitting 4-5 seats down the line, in the next block. I quite liked the way she looked and I wished with all my heart that she be in my group. For once, God listened to me! She and I were in the same group. So in the subsequent meal break, I struck a conversation with her and I found her to be a wonderful person. I liked her! No evaluation judgments whatsoever.

The first day we learnt about how the world occurs to us, the action we take as a result of that and the result that action produces. The Distinction was simply amazing. Very profound, like the rest of the Advanced Course.

Anyways .. I remember if I did the first day assignment, but I can't remember what it was. I think it was about having an enrollment Conversation with someone. I remember calling up my dad in the morning on the Second day. It was like the most difficult thing I did. I felt so utterly stupid in doing it. But my coach had said that I had to do it, and my group & my buddy gave me a lot of courage, so I finally did call him. I told him that at times I thought that he thought that I was worthless and stupid and that it was there in my mind at a certain level. I told him I loved him and was sorry about not putting my 100% in the business. I committed to him that I'll now put my everything into the business. He was happy. When I hung up, I felt so relieved and light that I cursed myself for not having done it earlier. It feels wonderful in reliving that moment now too.

I then called up a friend, who had gone with me on my Forum's Tuesday evening session. I shared with him the possibility I invented for myself and told him what he could gain from this education. It felt great to finally be so authentic about it.

So, the second day progressed. Sodhi told us what Enrollment really meant. People shared things on the mic. I was sitting almost next to that girl I liked. It was fun and great. Sometime in the afternoon, I noticed that that girl had a couple of rings on her right hand's ring finger. My heart sank. I finally liked someone, could talk to her, saw a possibility, and here she was, most probably engaged. My only hope was that the correct hand for engagement rings is not the right hand, but the left hand. I thought I'll text my friend in the next break to confirm the correct hand in which engagement rings are worn. But just before the next (long) break, I noticed that the rings were actually on the left hand. Then my heart sank, like properly. I was like half dead when I went to the meal break with her and the rest of the group. I didn't enjoy the meal at all, even though I was sitting with her. It was because, I had closed the possibility for myself. But still, this time I thought that I'll go ahead and ask her, rather than live with a possibility I closed based on an assumption. So when I came back, I asked her if she was engaged. To my surprise, they were just normal rings. No engagement or anything. I could have stood-up and danced then. The possibility was wide open!

So I decided that now I'll take more chances and ask her out. I was, in my opinion, not getting negative vibes from her. I would have interpreted them as positive, but I had been wrong about that before. Anyways, my occurring about her was that she liked me too. So I planned that 'asking out' for the meal break on the third day. Her occurring for me from then on became awesomer and awesomer! I sat next to her on a number of occasions then and it felt so great.

That night I called up a friend in US and had a long chat with her. I told her about Landmark and also told her how much I appreciated and treasured the friendship with her. It felt wonderful. It was like as if a new communication channel opened between us. I told her about this girl in the course and the whole engagement ring thing. It was wonderful. We kept chatting till almost 3 in the night (about 1 hour). I finally had to hang up because I had to reach for the third day at 9 AM the next day.

Of course I reached on time the next day. :)

The third day of the Advanced course is unparalleled. It is the day probably none of the participants will ever forget. The third day is simply brilliant.

Third day we got the distinction of the 'Ultimate Test of Reality' (after Personal & Interim tests on day 1 & 2). We had a meal break after that and finally the big moment had come for me. After trying to work up the courage several times, I stopped working on the courage part and went to her straight and asked her if she was seeing someone. She said no (!!!!). So I asked her if she would have coffee with me the next day. She said sure, but that she was busy the next day, and if she would be able to make it, she would give me a call. I was like in the seventh heaven. She asked me what had coffee got to do with seeing someone, I told her that I was just asking. :)

We had our meal then and contrary to all my expectations, nothing was awkward! I quickly finished my meal and then called up my two friends to enroll them in the possibility I had gotten. I also felt that as many people knew about it, their intentionality in me achieving that would be there. Plus it felt great and wonderful.

So I called up my friend who had attended the Tuesday evening of the Forum with me, and told him about it. It felt great to me because earlier I had been inauthentic about the whole thing and always felt awkward in sharing such things with friends. He was happy for me and said that he would love to do the Forum as well! I then called up another friend and shared it with her. I first completed with her, told her about Landmark Education, told her how I much appreciated her friendship, and what always held me back in expressing it earlier. The conversation was great and my friendship with her now is simply extraordinary.

It is wonderful to think now that everything I did was because of my act: "You are Stupid". My act pervaded through all the areas of my life. ALL the areas. Everything I did was determined by this act. Every time I saw someone new, my act would come right up. It either told me that this someone new is Stupid, or if not, then you are stupid. I never shared most of the things with anyone because of this. It is wonderful that I know it now and can alter my occurrence of this world.

After the meal break, the best part of the day began. We discussed how everything arises from Language. Language is the source of the occurrence of the world and our reality. Reality cannot exist without Language. Language is the source of reality. What power it gave me? It gave me all the power in the world.

I went to the microphone for the first time in the entire course (Forum + Advanced Course). It didn't feel stupid, weird or anything. It was like I could have been talking to one person, 160 people or the whole world. It didn't matter then. I was at peace and had all the power. There was no fear. Fear was a story written by me. If I could use Language to take my power away from me, I could use it to give myself all the power in the world. So I went to the mic and shared that if Hitler could use Language to enroll almost all of Germany to kill people, I could enroll all the world to save itself. I had my Vision in front of me clearly. I shared how the Forum was incomplete without the Advanced Course. In fact, Forum is just a tool to make you ready for the Advanced Course. Advanced Course is simply amazing! I shared how I 'popped' in the Forum an then felt 'un-popped' the next day. I tried to enroll everyone in the possibility of what they could get from SELP. It felt out of this world then.

One thing to remember. Language here does not necessarily mean Hindi or English or any other language. Language could also mean something we express ourselves in or the language we use in our thoughts.

After that, we did an exercise to remove fear of being with other people. This exercise was extraordinary. My fear was already far removed, but people had a completely different energy after the exercise. On my part, I felt like dancing after that exercise.

Finally, the time came for the final thing in the Advanced Course. The time to Invent ourselves. That moment was profound. The energy in the room after this was unbelievable. Everyone was jumping, hooting, applauding, people won't leave the mic alone!

I sat with her again and spent the final moments of the Advanced Course with her. I, along with most of my group (and her), registered for the SELP for the same dates.

Finally the Advanced Course ended at about 1:30 in the night. After that I felt that I had forgotten everything (part of my act), but no. Everything was there and it all came back I am not letting it go the next time.

Today we have the Tuesday evening of the Advanced Course. I was supposed to have my big first date yesterday, but she didn't call. And she didn't call because she didn't call. There is no other meaning to that. We are meaning making machines, something I learnt in the Forum, and would like to give meaning to everything. But no, she didn't call because she didn't call. Life is empty and meaningless and we are the ones who attach all the meanings.

Today I am going to ask her again for the Coffee I was promised. I'll enroll her into the possibility of being with me (!!!). This possibility I won't let go.

What I wanted to Get from Landmark:

• A breakthrough in the way my business was going and the way I felt about it.
• A change in how I felt when I met new people.
• To have an intimate relationship with someone.

What I got:

• I realized that the way I felt about my business had every thing to do with how I felt about my dad.
• I then realized that how I felt about other people had everything to do with my act. Infact, every time I felt powerful or powerless was due to my act. It is wonderful how when your act gives you power, you start to rely on it, and then it takes away your power too. It is like someone you consider your best friend stabs you in your back. "The greatest con he ever pulled was making you believe he is you".
• I finally have what it takes to work on beginning an intimate relationship. How I go from there is to be seen.
• I have realized that from the Business point of view, probably, me and my father's Visions are not the same. That is a major worry. Unless that is aligned, we can not continue doing this. And I feel no fear in the eventuality of us going separate ways in terms of Business.
• "From nothing, who I am right now, is the possibility of transformation & happiness".
• I want to go on and become an Introduction Leader now, to enroll everyone in the possibility of happiness through transformation.