The Awakening

The unbound love and happiness that I felt after the Advanced Course, it seems that I transcended the ego then. The ego, from what I understand, does not allow for what I felt then.

Did the Landmark Advanced Course cause the coveted Awakening? The transcending of ego?

Then how is it that I got back to relying on Ego? How is it that the real self was not strong enough to deal with the Ego? Is 'strong enough' the right term to use here? Who moved away from the real self? Who was he? I don't remember if I had the feeling of 'I am' then.

Is there a way to partially transcend the Ego? Or temporarily transcend it? Did I really transcend it or did it just temporarily recede in the background, planning the next attack?

I have been worrying that I am losing the grip on what I learnt from the Landmark Education and what I accessed there. However, now I feel that I have really grown in my mind from then. Back before the forum, I had so many confusions in my head. So much was going on all the time in my head. Now I feel very different. There is much more clarity in my head and I feel much more calm. And I feel the more I think, the more I grow. Earlier, I feel the more I thought, the more entangled things became.

After re-reading the last post I realized how beautifully this is set-up. The ego invents right and wrong to make itself right. It abuses the language. In the language, it defines the concepts of right and wrong. It attaches meanings to what it is to be right, and what it means to be wrong. A criminal does not think he is wrong. He has his own ego working on how to project it as right to itself. The moment you go wrong, the ego changes gears. If it is unable to justify it self, it feels shaken and then either manages to justify itself somehow, or it changes.

The thing here to note again is, 'Right' and "Wrong' was invented by the ego itself, just to sustain it's own existence. And we all remain caught in the right & wrong all our lives. If we can go beyond right & wrong, the Ego will cease to exist.

Sri Ramana Maharshi suggests a self enquiry as a means to attain the Awakening. He suggests a self enquiry into the question "Who am I?". Using the above, I am now loosely beginning to understand that the 'I' too is maybe just a concept put forward by the Ego to sustain it's own existence.

I do realize now that the Ego is not evil/ bad. Even it has it's own unmatchable function.