The latest

I have been happy in flashes only. Other times I have been anxious/ sad/ etc. about not getting any response from the girl I really liked during the Advanced Course. I have been living in stories, feeding on them, realizing this and then dropping it, then fighting the urge to start another story, finding myself in the middle of one a few minutes later, and so on. My mind is not still, in these moments.

So I started thinking right now, again, why do I want her so much? I mean I'll find another girl whom I like and who likes me . Then why do I not want to let go of the possibility of being with her? I realized that when I think about being with some other girl, I feel sort of incomplete about not having been with this one. Why? And I got the following reply from within: I'll still feel that I wasn't good enough to get her to like me. That will make my relationship with the other girl unreal as well. I'll keep feeling incomplete about it. Why? Because this one didn't like me. Although this has not been explicitly made clear to me, it is my 'interpretation' that I want to hold on to as reality and forget it ever happened. Why do I want to forget it? To forget the pain. (Dialog from Revolver: 'Embrace the pain and you will win this game'). How do I embrace this pain? What do I do to embrace it?