Plans

I have had my ups & downs since the last week. One thing is that I just can't get that girl out of my head. Not that I want to anyways. :)

So I had the following thoughts this morning:

I realized that what happened was that she didn't call. And she didn't call because she didn't call. There is no meaning to it. But I have been trying to attach meanings every day. Every day, my meanings switch between 'it has something to do with me', 'it has something to do with the circumstances' or 'it has something to do with her'. And there are 10 new stories that I come up with every day. Things that 'could have' happened to give a result to what happened. Or, the meaning of what happened. But actually, the story and what happened are totally different. I have no way to find out the reason of what happened except by talking with her. And she did agree to go out with me, but I have made that agreement unreal as well.

So I have decided that I'll give her a call if she doesn't call this week. My act is shouting from the background that it is a very stupid thing to do. But I am on to my act. I won't let it get away with it. It has me almost convinced that it is a stupid thing to do. But, I'll do whatever it doesn't want me to do. :)

I'll call her next weekend and ask her to meet me. I am going to enroll her into meeting me. And if things don't work out, then at least I will know what really happened. Or they could just work out, yeah? So I hereby commit not to be in the boat of assumptions (she didn't call because she didn't like me or I'll make a fool of myself by calling her a third time or anything like that). I'll sail in the boat of knowing what caused me to fail, if I do fail at all.

My act almost stopped me. 'I won't call her a third time because it makes me look stupid'. And I didn't even realize that this was my act's doing. It was real for me. I will see this through to a conclusion.

Ah! 30 minutes away from the keyboard and my mind is already attaching meanings to her not calling. It is telling me that see "I am attaching all the positive meanings .. I am giving you hope, don't kill the hope at least?". It is looking for food to live. I won't give it the food. Not today!