The red pill and the blue pill

That article I mentioned in my last post, it was really good. It was written by Osho. Had I known of the writer before reading the article, probably I would not have read it. I am kind of biased against all the gurus. But the article was brilliant. It was well written, in simple language, and covered the subject well.

So after reading the article I realized the choice of the red pill and the blue pill (from the movie Matrix). The choice is between living with the ego or going beyond it. Living with the center that the society created for you (from that article) or finding your true center.

Have I really arrived at a place that gives me this choice? And are these the only 2 options available?

I have been thinking on these lines since yesterday.

I feel that the blue pill, living with the ego, that is where Landmark Education works. It helps you develop tools for dealing powerfully with miseries generated by the Ego. Another way of looking at it could be that it makes you present to the doings of the Ego. But it doesn't teach you to transcend the ego. That article tells you to just be present to your ego. And in being present to the ego, one day you'll transcend it. If I go by that article, I realize that it is not about the two options. It is the option of - when you choose to follow the path to outside of the small clearing that the ego is.

Is transcending ego same as the much sought after enlightenment?

That is what I have come to understand.

What I have also come to understand about Enlightenment is that you become happy in yourself. You don't have to base your happiness in someone else then. While that opens up a possibility of unbound, unconstrained love, it closes the possibility of a relationship between two beings, based on love. I am not sure I am ready to sacrifice the possibility of that. I realize that I am so much attached to that possibility, that the moment it opens up for me, I become blind to everything else. It is the ego at play. The search for a powerful center, a center that will support my center and will in turn get support from me. Even though it sounds mumbo-jumbo, if you haven't read the article, know this that it is simply wonderful how a romantic relationship works on the level of ego. I am too attached to this one thing (this is a racket, in Landmark Lingo ... the pay-off being justification and the cost being true happiness).

I also found that I have been trying to change myself a lot, since the time I have done the Advanced Course. Instead of being present to the way ego behaves, I have been trying to change what I consider the work of ego. I make ego bad and then use it to do good. I have been trying to be humble, not realizing that even that is my ego.

I started out by just being present to the act. But slowly I tried to change it. I analyzed each moment and tried to change the "you are stupid" to "you are awesome". But it is very difficult to change that in the mind. Even when the mind accepts it, it never is at rest with just that. I am still not sure whether that is the correct way to go or not? I mean everything is born in language .. so if I change the occurring in the language, I can change the miseries it causes. But then I am going into what is good and what is bad. I am a bit confused. Requires more mind exercise on my part.

UPDATE: Got it! All I am doing is changing the meaning of the situation. But is there a real meaning to it? No! Life is empty and meaningless. We are the ones that attach all the meanings. So it is enough to be present to the fact that you attached a meaning to it. Changing the meaning will not solve any problem.

The trick is to remember this distinction correctly and use it.